What If It's Meant to Be?
by GGAddict129
Summary: If it's meant to be, it will find it's way.
1. Chapter 1

_**As you've seen, there are a lot of "what if" stories on this site. I've decided to write one myself. I've always thought about all the different times Lily and Rufus could have gotten together.**_

_**This one will be a what if things turned out a little differently at thanksgiving (Blair Waldorf Must Pie!). Allison is still there, but will that stop Rufus and Lily? Read to find out! **_

**_What If It's Meant to Be? _**

_Chapter I._

The moment Lily walked through the door, her nerves were sky-high. She wasn't sure how she should act. Well, that wasn't true. She knew how she SHOULD act. The real question was would she be able to? The truth was her and Rufus had grown closer in the last few weeks. He'd become her confidant and she was pretty sure she was starting to feel something for him again. Again, she thought with a smirk. She never really had fallen out of love with him, had she? She'd always tried to fill the void in her life that leaving him had left her. She hadn't been lying over the phone. She really did miss him.

She absent-mindedly closed the door behind her, bracing herself to see him. When she walked over to Dan to be introduced she had an enormous grin on her face. That grin however turned to a gaping mouth and she took a sharp breath in. Allison was back. Rufus walked and stood next to his wife and Lily wanted to throw up. The Upper East Side, however, hadn't taught her nothing, however. She immediately fixed her smile, as if she hadn't just been shocked beyond imagination and she replied with a "Happy Thanksgiving." She did not were her kids learning about her past, especially her past with Rufus.

"Well, it is so nice to meet you," Lily continued.

Catching on Allison replied, "Allison. Right. It's nice to meet you too. Lily, was it?"

Relief flooded through her body when Allison decided to play along with her.

And that was the beginning of their awkward thanksgiving. There was a minor power-struggle when bringing the mashed potatoes to the table. Lily suddenly felt out of place and it took everything she had not to do something drastic. She was positive she was going to say something to give herself away.

Chapter II.

The dinner was fine for the first portion. None of the children noticed a single thing. Lily could sense Rufus's discomfort. She chuckled to herself, he deserves to be uncomfortable. How could he not tell her that his wife was back? No wonder they hadn't spoken in the past week. She wasn't sure what they were…but, she—she just thought she deserved a phone call.

Then Serena got her phone call from Blair and Allison made that comment about Lily joining her. Lily just wanted to get up and slap her. _Bitch_, she thought to herself as she moved the bowl of stuffing.

"You were talking about your ranch…" Dan prompted.

"Did you have any horses?" asked Jenny.

"Yes. I had a few. I had my own. Rosewood." And that's where it all went downhill.

"My Dad has a song called Rosewood!" Jenny exclaimed at the coincidence.

"Oh! But not that Rosewood," Rufus interrupted. Lily looked at him in terror. Oh no!

"I completely forgot about that song," Dan reminisced.

"Yeah. It's about my mom, you know? Because had this perfume she always wore and it was rose and…sandalwood."

At that point, she was disgusted. And here she thought the song was about her. Unless her ears had deceived her, he had told her that. She bit her tongue because didn't want to hurt Allison's feelings. She looked away when Allison looked at her accusingly. She noticed that Rufus was looking down in discomfort. His mouth twitched. She knew he was wishing Jenny would stop talking.

"I'm a fool," Allison whispered to Rufus.

"You're not a fool."

Lily looked at them both and saw how distraught Allison was and guilt immediately swept over her.

"Raise your hand if you're over thirty and acting really weird right now," Dan proclaimed.

Lily laughed. "I'm sorry, Allison. I never told Rufus about that horse, so I'm sure it's just a coincidence." She was trying to save her cover. She didn't want Allison upset.

"Wait a minute. Why are you talking like you know each other?" Dan questioned in confusion.

Lily put a strained smile on and then took a breath inward.

"Do you two know eachother?" Eric turned to his mother.

Lily glanced at Rufus as did Allison.

"Uhm, we did no eachother. A long, long time ago." Rufus explained.

"What?" asked Eric. How in the world would his mother, the rich upper east side woman, know a Brooklyn boy?

"Know each other how?" Jenny asked in disbelief.

Silence rang through the room. Lily looked towards Rufus because she couldn't possibly meet anyone else's eyes. She noticed her son look down, when it dawned on him. He knew that she had no inhibitions when it came to sleeping with men.

As the sudden realization began to reach all of them, Allison couldn't deal with it. "I need some air," she expressed as she got up to leave. She order Rufus not follow her. A little dramatic in Lily's opinion. It's not like it was a shock to her. Did she really think the song wasn't about Lily? Some things never change, Lily thought.

Soon enough, the children scattered. It seemed they couldn't get out of there fast enough. Lily was glad. She didn't know how to get herself out of this mess. What was she supposed to say to Eric? She thanked her lucky stars that this news had erupted when Serena wasn't there. If she had been, she would have blown a fuse. She probably would've blamed Lily for making her life miserable. She'd say something like "How could you sleep with him? I'm dating his son." She laughed a little out loud, thinking of a reply that would certainly shut Serena up. "I got to his father before you even kissed Dan." Rufus looked at her in puzzlement once he heard her laughter ring through the dead silent room and soon enough a smirk engulfed his face. Before he could comment, Lily snapped back to reality and spoke to him, "Excuse me. I have to go to the bathroom." She desperately wanted to cry. She wouldn't, but she wished she was the type of person to cry. She rarely cried though. She hadn't even cried throughout all of her divorces. It was no wonder she was deemed the "Ice Queen of the Upper East Side."

Chapter III.

She rested her head on her hand, seeking for an answer. An answer to what exactly, she was unsure. This couldn't be happening though. She looked up as he entered the room.

"You've been in here for a half-hour."

"Yeah? Well, not nearly enough time to fathom how you allowed me to walk into this situation." She was lashing out at him. She didn't like how she was starting to feel. She was getting a little jealous.

"Allowed you to----? Lily, you were the last person I expected to walk through the door today." How was he supposed to know that she would come?

"At the very least, you knew Serena would come home and tell me all about the wonderful thanksgiving she had with Dan, Dan's father---oh, and his mother! Is this really how I deserve to find out, Rufus?" She narrowed her eyes at him. He had taken a seat next to her and she was desperately trying not to look to eager.

"I don't know what I do---or do not owe you. I mean we haven't exactly defined what we are to one another." At this point, Lily looked away searching for a witty reply.

"Well, I think now's the perfect time to do it." Lily said sarcastically.

"I mean, Lil, these past few weeks have been----?" He stopped and looked at her.

"Have been what?" She was hoping he'd tell her they were wonderful. They certainly had been in her opinion.

After complete silence on his part, her eyes narrowed once more. "You can't even say it."

"I can, but I shouldn't."

Lily looked away in disbelief. She knew he was right, but it didn't matter. Why was it so bad to want for him to tell her that he had felt a little spark like she had?

"Look, Lil. For better or for worse, you're one of my oldest friend."

That really pissed her off. Oldest friend? Since when had they been friends? She must have pissed the we're friends memo.

"Oldest friends? That's certainly not how it felt when you kissed me at Eleanor's party," she retorted.

"Then how did it feel, Lil? If I remember correctly you told me it made you feel nauseous."

"It did, Rufus. It did because I felt like I was twenty years old again." Her eyes widened. She hadn't meant to say that. She didn't want him to know that she had enjoyed it. She wasn't supposed to.

"Lily…."

"That's not what I meant to say."

"Lily…" Rufus repeated.

"What, Rufus?" She nearly screamed, but she caught herself as she remembered the children were in the other room.

"What am I to you?"

"Excuse me."

"You want to define what we are. What am I to you?"

"I don't know, Rufus."

"So you can't even say it?" Lily didn't like it being implied that she was nervous or scared.

"I don't know what we are exactly Rufus," she sighed, "All I know is that I---I've-- " she stopped for a moment thinking how to describe how she was feeling.

"You've become the person I come to. You've become the person I look forward to seeing."

"Do you have feelings for me, Lily Van der Woodsen?" He asked jokingly.

"Shut up, Humphrey."

"Lily….."

She cut him off, "What were you going to say? What you said you shouldn't say?"

Now it was his turn to be honest, "Wonderful. I was going to say that these past few weeks have been incredible, Lil. I find myself smiling when I think about you."

"Rufus…."

He took one look at her and he couldn't contain himself. Suddenly, his breath caught in his chest. His body took over, his mind not thinking clearly. He gently stroked her cheek and pulled her close to him. He kissed her gently at first, but gentle was not their style and it soon grew into passion.

She was shocked, but it just felt too good to stop. The feeling of his lips on hers was familiar. It still sent tingles down her spine and gave her that butterflies in the stomach feeling. She pulled him tighter, as he began to trail his kisses to her neck. She moaned in satisfaction as he directed his kisses back to her mouth.

Comments Appreciated! [: To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

_Enjoy! _

Chapter IV.

She started to unbutton his shirt as he ran his fingers through her blonde hair. She rubbed his chest, as trailed his hands on her back, engulfing her into a tight embrace. At this point, she just wanted to make love to him right here, right now. His feelings reciprocated hers in every way. He pushed to her to the wall, as she passionately kissed his neck. It felt incredible to be here with him. She couldn't deny the passion between them, no matter how much she wanted to. "Rufus…." She said as he nibbled on her ear, tickling her. He chuckled in spite of himself and dragged her closer to him. She moaned in content as he thrust his lips upon hers once more and she couldn't help but moan his name in satisfaction. Lily had just wrapped her legs around Rufus's waist, as he held her with one hand on the wall. It was evident what they intended to do to one another. Suddenly, Lily pulled away, "Rufus, we shouldn't do this," she mumbled, "especially not here."

Rufus sighed. He knew they shouldn't, but that didn't change the fact that he wanted to.

"You're right," he said, even though his heart screamed not to do something that would put an end to this wonderful experience he was having.

"This never happened, okay?" She questioned looking at him uncertainly.

The truth was that she so badly wanted to continue kissing him, but she knew it was wrong. She enjoyed his friendship and didn't want to be the end of his marriage. She had gone through too many divorces not to know the results of what it could do to a person. Not to mention, she wasn't even sure what exactly she felt for him. Oh, obviously there was chemistry between them. There always had been. There was no denying that fact, but did she even have feelings for him? Maybe she didn't. Maybe it was just some twisted way of feeling young once again. She had always felt as if she'd been robbed of her youth. She aged almost over night after leaving Rufus. Having a baby had made her feel eons beyond her actual years. Then, getting married to William hadn't allowed her to be young and carefree. She had once again been sucked into the high society way of ife

"Okay," he replied. However, as the words left his mouth, his head screamed "No."

"Okay then." The truth was she had wanted to him not to agree. "Perhaps it'd be best if we forgot about the kiss at Eleanor's too?" She snapped.

"What?" Allison asked, suddenly appearing in the room, Dan trailing behind her.

Rufus and Lily turned there attention to her immediately as Lily groaned is exasperation.

"Allison…" Rufus said, "honey…"

Allison turned her attention to Dan, "Could you-?"

"….Jenny and Eric? Yeah."

As he left, Allison turned and glared at both Lily and Rufus.

Chapter V

"I'm saying you're overreacting per say. I'm just saying that you're having a reaction that is beyond what is necessary." Well, at least it was when it came to being angry for kissing Lily at Eleanor's. At that point, it really had just been for the mere fact that Lily wanted to make Bart jealous.

"I have been killing myself trying to make up for what happened in Hudson-"

"Which is not an overreaction, I might add."

"-and now I find out that the two of you," she began turning towards Lily, "are making out at fall parties?"

She might as well go along with this. Lily rolled her eyes and said, "It was hardly making out," with digust, "and there's an explanation."

"Hey, guys! I'm back! And I brought….Blair." Serena had burst into the loft. All three adults looked away in silence.

"Wow. Weird vibe," she continued.

Lily gave her a "if looks could kill" death glare.

"Okay. Where's Dan?"

Once Serena and Blair had stalked off to join the rest of the children, their heated discussion had resumed.

"Rufus, an emotional affair is just as bad as a physical one," Allison declared.

"Oh please. Nobody is buying that. Emotional affairs are necessary to keep a marriage alive."

"And how many times have you been divorced?"

She gave Allison a dirty look and it took everything in her power not to slap her across the face. She had been divorced because she hadn't loved them. She'd always tried so hard to replicate what she'd had with Rufus. In the beginning, she had been searching for love. Something similar to what she had shared with Rufus. Gradually she had begun to just marry for comfort. She had been able to cope with the fact that nobody would ever compare to what she had had with Rufus. Yet, that had never stopped her from searching desperately. When Allison made that comment, she wouldn't let anyone know that it cut her like a knife.

Rufus knew her well and could sense her hurt. From their recent meetings, he could tell how much it hurt that none of those guys were right for her. "Allison, this is not about Lily. This is about you and me."

"Exactly. And if we're going to have any chance, then she can't be here." "

"What? For thanksgiving or ever?" Lily asked with an attitude.

Allison made a movement that clearly suggested the latter was the preferable option.

"Oh come on. You can't be serious." She didn't not want to see him. It didn't matter if they had a real relationship. It didn't change the fact that he was the only person that really cared about her. The only person that listened to what she had to say.

"I am," she replied. "I have made mistakes, and I know that, but if she's in your life. You're never going to get over her."

"Allison…." He tried to reason.

"This is it, Rufus. Okay? If you want to make this work then you have to make a choice."

Rufus swallowed hard and then stole a glance at Lily who was looking towards him, but looked away the moment he tried to make eye contact.

Chapter VI

He had made his decision. He had chosen his family over her. She understood, but that didn't change the fact that it hurt like hell. But what was she supposed to do? She was sitting here, on the edge of tears and he was sitting at home okay. How was that fair? She just—They had really gotten close and she really had started feeling something for him once again. Not to mention, he had even admitted that there recent times together had been wonderful. For goodness sake, he had been ready to have sex with her! The moment had gotten home, she had went into her bedroom and hopped in the shower to allow the tears to roll down freely. Losing him all over again had really hurt. She couldn't distinguish whether it was the fact that losing him meant she didn't have someone to go to anymore or not. Lately, he'd become her confidant. She went to him with her problems. If she couldn't go to him, who could she go to? Whatever, she thought, it doesn't matter. Crying won't help. Caring won't help. He's made his choice. I hope he's happy.

Chapter VII

Four days had gone by before she had heard from him. She hadn't expected his call and had been upset by the fact that he had called her.

"We're not supposed to talk, remember?" she snapped at him.

He was flustered with his reply. "I know, but you're mother came to see me and-she mentioned something about why you left all those years ago."

She nervously touched her neck, as was her usual habit. "Yes, well. She made me an offer I couldn't refuse. And I wasn't strong enough, then."

"But why didn't you tell me?"

"You never would have understood."

"-but maybe. I meant we could've…."

"Don't say it. Don't even think it."

"I can't help myself. I never should have let you let me go. And I don't want to make that mistake again."

"What do you mean, Rufus?" She took a breath inward.

"Where are you?"

"What?"

"Where are you?" he repeated.

"At Cotillion. Why?"

"Meet me outside in ten minutes." With that he hung up, leaving her to ponder.

Should she meet him? Why did he want to meet? What had he meant with that comment about making the same mistake? What would he say when she went to see him? What should she say? So many questions ran through her mind, but all stopped when she looked down and saw Serena and Dan twirling about downstairs. They were so happy and she couldn't help, but allow her thoughts to drift back to when she thought that would be her and Rufus forever.

She stepped outside and looked for him. She had no expectations.

"Lily…."

She hadn't even been able to reply before he had thrust his lips upon hers. Initially, she debated pulling away, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Kissing him simply felt amazing. He placed his hand on her lower back, as she ran her hands up his chest.

Once they broke apart, all she could do was look at him in amazement. They stared at each other in silence. He was trying to gather his thoughts and string together some intelligible sentence. He didn't know what he should say. Well, he knew what to say, but he didn't know quite how to explain how he felt.

After what seemed like ages he spoke, "I don't want to let you go, Lil. Look, before you say anything, just listen to me. I have feelings for you. I don't think I've ever really gotten over you and I don't want to lose you again, Lil."

"What am I supposed to say, Rufus? You're married."

"I know, but-Lily, she isn't you. She's never been you. It was you twenty years ago. It's still you. It's always been you."

"Our children. Serena and Dan are dating."

"So what? Frankly, I had you long before Dan had Serena."

"I don't know, Rufus-"

He cut her off. "Why are you making excuses, Lily? You seemed up for it at Thanksgiving."

"That was-just in the heat of the moment. I got caught up-"

"Bullshit," he replied, catching her bluff.

"Rufus…."

"Lily…" he imitated her.

And she was hooked. She so desperately wanted to run away and never look back, but like a magnet she was drawn to him. She slowly kissed his lips and it immediately burst into passion.

"Lily, I don't know, what we are, what we could be. But aren't you the least bit curious?"

"It's just-You're married, Rufus. Are you telling me that you're going to divorce Allison?"

"That's exactly what I'm telling you."

"Okay…," but then she thought about it, "but Rufus?"

"Mhmmm?"

"If we're going to have a-fling? It has to be between us. I don't need Serena biting my head off."

"Deal," and his mouth broke out into an enormous ear-to-ear grin.

**_Thoughts welcome! [: _**


End file.
